Dripping Fun: The Incredible Melting Man

If there is one word that can be used to describe the 1977 film The Incredible Melting Man it is: drippy.  I think it's the only film where that word can be used accurately.  Thanks to special effects wizard Rick Baker, that's about the only thing I can remember about the film.  Well, that and the fact that the actor who played the melting man (Alex Rebar) did a lot of walking.

I looked up the plot online because I hadn't seen this thing in years, and I didn't trust my memory of it.  What little I could recall is actually pretty close to the film's plot.  Rebar plays Steve West, who returns to Earth after being exposed to radiation during a space flight to Saturn.  As we all know from things like Three Mile Island and Chernobyl, melting slowly is exactly what happens when exposed to radiation.  To survive, West must eat human flesh, which means he has to kill people, too.  Again, the radiation exposure does cause cannibalism.  That's why a lot of people stay out of Nevada.  I believe it's also the only movie to feature its main character being swept up into a garbage can at the film's conclusion.  No, Troma is not responsible for this.

I do remember liking this as a kid.  Our local UHF channel out of Philadelphia (one of two that I remember) played it quite a bit.  I wasn't freaked out by it, and nor did I have nightmares.  My enjoyment of it apparently wasn't marred by the numerous bad reviews the film received.  Many declared it one of the worst horror movies of all time.  That may be true, but how many other horror films dealt with the serious effects of radiation exposure in such a realistic way?  Exactly.  (And yes, I am being sarcastic.)

I'm half tempted to seek out a copy of this film to see how I respond to it now that I'm older and have seen Man Made, a film I declared on Film Threat to be the worst film I had ever seen.  (You can read my review here. As proof of its sheer suckiness [not a real word], I left my copy of it outside a store I worked at.  Nobody took it.  Not even overnight.  You could leave a used condom out there and someone would take it.)  I fear that in doing so, however, I will only curse myself for wasting my time.  I love film.  I do not love it enough, though, to waste my time with movies I know will be time-wasters.


Mandatory FTC Disclaimer: Clicking on a link could earn me some cash, yo!  Obviously, I haven't seen this in quite some time, too.

Ebony and Ivory

I spent a lot of my youth fascinated by films of dubious quality. Yeah, I'm a fan of exploitation fare, but sometimes you gotta cut your losses. The Thing With Two Heads is one of those dubious films, and anyone who grew up in Eastern PA in the 1970s remembers that this was on television far too often.

Starring Ray Milland (Frogs, another questionable film) and football star Rosey Grier, this 1972 masterpiece tackles the age old question of "What if a racist got his head put on a black man's body?" I believe Different Strokes tackled the same question about a decade later.

Most notable for an insane plot and a competent (for the time) two-headed gorilla courtesy of Rick Baker, this film recently resurfaced on the THiS Network (where Frogs is also playing). Needless to say, when I saw it was on, I almost woke my five-year-old daughter out of a deep, deep sleep so that she could partake in one of the mainstays of my youth. (It was right up there with Squirm and The Incredible Melting Man.) Good sense got the best of me, however, and I let her sleep. When I informed her the next day of what I almost did her only reaction was, "Why would you do that?"

I had no good answer.

The trailer, presented below, gives you a fairly good idea of what this film is like. While doubtful that it will see remake status anytime soon, I think it could be the perfect vehicle for those Wayan Brothers (an inspired bit of casting would be Rush Limbaugh in the Ray Milland role). Sure, the Wayans may screw up the serious social commentary on racism and science gone amok, but think of the sheer sublime absurdity that would ensue. It almost seems like this project is green lighted before I even have finished this paragraph.

As for me that night it aired recently? I fell asleep, but woke up every once in a while and swore I was watching the same chase scene over and over.

What the hell was I ever thinking?